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Hope
They pulled us out of the car. Made us get out of the car. They searched us and put us in handcuffs.
“You’re going to end up like your father, a bum on the street, a loser, an alcoholic.” As a kid, growing up hearing those things hurt me. I thought, “Man, after everything I do for you, this is how you love me.”
Really, I wanted to die. I was doing all the things that were killing me anyway. I had so much pain, hurt, and hatred I didn’t know how to process any of it.
"I was mad at my dad for destroying my family. He had taught me homosexual behavior was a sin. He had instilled in me that homosexuality was wrong, and suddenly he was trying to get me to justify it."
"I really wanted to call him and say, “I’m sorry for what I had done.” Months earlier if you’d asked me I wouldn’t have admitted to have done anything wrong."
I did the empty chair procedure. I asked my father all these questions. Then I was to get up and sit in the chair and answer the questions. This didn’t make a bit of sense to me but I did it.
I slept in the car one night with my newborn baby. That was one of those “God, why me” moments.
My Dad said; “But son, were you water baptized?” I said; “Yes I was Dad.” And he said; “Jeff, you’re not my son anymore. What you have done to your people, you are worse than Adolf Hitler.” He said; “You are no longer welcome...
And God clearly said; “You are going to die this year.” I remember it scared me.